Summary When applying the word to Special Relativity, the mathematicians treat time as a physical object. By this I don't mean that they treat it as a term, as the subject of a sentence, or as an ordinary noun of grammar. I mean, rather, that they treat time as something that has shape like a rock or a house or a tree. The morons of Mathematics unambiguously confer upon time properties and attributes that are uniquely associated with the sense of touch. Relativists not only claim that you can physically touch a minute or a week, they claim that gravity warps a series of seconds and that, if you run fast enough, you can even stretch a year. Of course, the idiots of relativity will vehemently deny that they ever even insinuated such preposterous proposals. Here I provide sufficient examples from the 'scientific' literature to prove them wrong. Yet more basic still, the time dilation theory of relativity is contingent on the assumption that light is either a particle or a wave. It turns out that light is neither. Therefore, the mathematical blackboard needs to be erased completely and the theorists now have to interpret their observations under a different model.